Marley’s Advice for Dates That Have Gone Awry
by Tawna Fenske
Hello, and thanks for inviting me to hang out with you here at Urban Girl Reader! Who brought the wine?
Today we’re talking about bad dates. We’ve all had them, right? In my new romantic comedy, Frisky Business, my heroine endures more than her share. After vowing not to date any more wealthy men, Marley embarks on a quest to date only blue collar guys. While the plan makes it easier for her keep her distance from Will—the quirky, unlikely millionaire she desperately doesn’t want to fall for—it sends Marley down a path of truly terrible dates.
Given Marley’s experience with dates that don’t run smoothly, I’ve asked her to share a few helpful hints for dealing with dates gone awry. Here are her top eight bits of advice.
Marley’s eight tips for handling bad dates:
- Ask your waiter for a piece of foil. Instead of wrapping up your leftovers, use it to fashion a hat. Place it on your date’s head and announce “now they can’t read your thoughts.”
- Wear easily removable earrings when dating a man who enjoys talking about himself. When your date drones on for more than ten minutes, take out an earring and stab the back of your hand beneath the table to help you stay awake. If the droning continues for more than thirty minutes, stab his hand instead.
- To extricate yourself from a truly bad date, fake an allergy attack. When he asks what you’re allergic to, point and whisper “you!”
- Ask if he has any expertise in diagnosing oozing rashes.
- Got a date who’s being rude to the waitress? Save her the trouble of spitting in his food by doing it yourself when his back is turned. If he’s extra rude, rub his fork in your armpit.
- Glance at your watch, sigh, and inform your date that you need to get home quickly before the octuplets run off the babysitter.
- If you find yourself on a date with a man unable to avert his eyes off the assets of other women in the restaurant, help him cool off by knocking your ice water into his lap.
- Need to bring a bad date to a hasty close? Duck under the table and cower there for a few minutes. When he asks what you’re doing, tell him you just spotted your parole officer across the room.
by Tawna Fenske
Genre: Contemporary Romance, Humor
Published: May 6th 2014 by Sourcebooks Casablanca
Paperback/eBook, 352 pages
No more rich men for Marley Cartman. Absolutely not. Thanks to her dad, her ex-fiancé, and the overbearing donors she schmoozes for a living, she’s had more than her fill. From now on, she wants blue-collar men with dirt under their fingernails. But when Marley makes a break to handle donor relations for a wildlife sanctuary, she finds herself drawn to the annoyingly charming—and disturbingly wealthy—chairman of the board.
Judging by his hipster T-shirts, motley assortment of canine companions, and penchant for shaking up stuffy board meetings, you’d never guess that William Barclay the Fifth is a brilliantly successful businessman. Will has good reason to be leery of scheming women, and as he and Marley butt heads over the wisdom of bringing grumpy badgers to charity events, he can’t help but wonder if his new donor relations coordinator is hiding something other than a perfect figure beneath that designer suit…